A Painful Truth

“The loss of a friend is like that of a limb; time may heal the anguish of the wound, but the loss cannot be repaired.” ~ Robert Southey



A painful truth of life is that people die. It can’t be helped, and that’s part of the tax we pay for loving people. We will lose them.



When people come to me grieving, I can only assure them that death is a door our loved ones cross through.  They are as much alive as they always were, but on a different plane.  I know this in the depths of my soul.



And a fat lot of good that does for someone grieving, sad, shattered by loss.  Because, of course, we’re not crying for them. We are crying for us. We are the ones left here, no longer seeing that beloved face. We’re the ones who are left with a permanent hole where that person belonged.  And it hurts. It hurts badly.



But Southey reminds us that the horrible wound will heal. It will scar over and the pain will lessen. But it never goes away permanently. Any of us with physical scars can tell you, in the right circumstances, those scars can still hurt. Sometimes it’s a short, sharp pain, ephemeral but no less bitter for its brevity. Sometimes it’s a dull ache that lasts a day or longer. Some of us are left with a permanent pain of some sort. We learn to live with it, and sometimes don’t really notice it, but it’s always there.



Pain is sadly a part of the human experience. What helps me deal with death is remembering that the person isn’t gone for ever. Someday we’ll be together again.  As a medium, this is sometimes sooner than I expected, but there are many in my life who have never come to visit. Just because I need them doesn’t mean that they need me. In eternity, time means nothing, so for them, there is no such thing as waiting. They are busy and I will be there shortly.  My life span, even if I have another 40 years or more, is the blink of an eye for someone “over there”.



But all this “philsophizing” doesn’t mean I don’t hurt for people who are hurting. I can’t explain away pain. I can only be there for them and let them know I love them and am an ear if needed. I know they will be there for me when my turn comes.



And always reach out when you need help. Even those who feel isolated have resources.


Here is an excellent resource for those in grief and mourning: http://griefandmourning.com/resources/emergency




About maggiec

Educator, writer, world traveler, bibliophile, theater devotee, cat lover, mother of an actor, adopted auntie to hundreds. Spreading love (and literacy), one day at a time.
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